5 Tips to Becoming A Crypto Celebrity

crypto-celebrity-tips-charlatan-story

The cryptocurrency world is filled with a special kind of people, to say the least. Every cryptocurrency influencer has his or her own set of trademark traits and quirks. Some of these come naturally and some are contrived. You too can be a crypto-celeb if you take blockchain and decentralization into your heart! But know this! if you enter the crypto world as you are now, thinking that the blockchain is supposed to have real-world application and utility, then abandon all hope of gaining notoriety.

Read on to learn the true secrets of how to become a blockchain guru!

  1. Cultivate a unique physical look or accessory to differentiate yourself from the rest. This is very important, as it will establish your brand over the other crypto celebrity wannabes. Wear a cowboy hat to a debate, sit on a throne, dress up your relay node in cute outfits, or maybe do designer drugs during your livestream TA show even though you think you are off-camera. Other options include surrounding yourself with stuffed animals and creating cartoon personas for you and your cryptobrony’s podcast (make sure not to talk about anything important on podcasts. Keep it light and fluffy).
  2. You need to be able to keep up with social networks to be a crypto hero. Every now and then you need to make a statement so big, impactful or odd that it stands out from the rest wanna-be influencers. Make price predictions, talk about your beautiful wife, your gun collection, give drinking advice. Get creative!
  3. Always try to predict future prices. If you miss the mark, who cares? No one “in crypto” cares about people who haven’t any idea what they are talking about, its a hallmark of the entire industry. Take cues from Michael Novogratz.
  4. Whenever there is the possibility of spreading fear, uncertainty, or doubt through social media, just do it. It does not matter that you are consistently wrong, or if you are just spreading lies. Remeber: it takes a lot more effort to clean up a mess than to make one. Controversy is necessary for you to thrive. Here, the undisputed champion to learn from is Cowardly Lyin’ Samson of Blockstream.
  5. No matter what you do, or where you are, don’t lose a single moment to shill your favorite decentralized word salad, even if you know it is a shitcoin—but you probably don’t know its a shitcoin since you are into shitcoins in the first place. Just pontificate tokenboi placating phrases like: “this is the future of dApps”, “decentralization protocol”, “blockchain agnostic”, “logistical supply chain management on the blockchain via our dApp”. It is not a matter of actually having utility or not—it’s all about the constant pitching.  You must forge a name for yourself within a token community in order to be respected, and hopefully even feared. This way, you can get out at the top and leave your bags in the hands of that wretched mass of adoring fans.

Follow these tried and true tips and you will be on your way to becoming a successful crypto celebrity in no time!